Whats With All the Gay Republicans?

This is a very humorous topic to me. Perhaps not to you if you're a social conservative, but I can't help but chuckle. Each... and every time. Truth be told, I consider my personal views conservative in terms of social issues, yet, I dont mandate them for others. And that would bring up an interesting point, as far as who should... and shouldn't be judged... but most religious people that I encounter aren't well-versed in the Bible itself, let alone church history, so I dont expect them to know the answer to that... so we will not tackle it here. Silly religious people.

I won't mention gay priests in this blog, either. For one, I dont know how much webspace this site holds. Another thing, I think thats a separate issue I might get into one day while I'm attacking the plethora of things wrong with those crazy Catholics. But, I'll never win... you guys know the rules... you can't win an argument with a guy in a pointy hat. Darn those technicalities. :( I dont care what anyone says... [pointy hat or not(!!!)] ; if you tell a group of people that they can't have sex, and leave them alone, each in separate parts of the forest... for years... there will be some defiled trees... thats all I'm saying. Separate issue from the topic at hand, but dudes will be getting severe splinters. Believe that!

I wont even mention non-Catholic church hypocrites. Well, just one. Because his story is HYSTERICAL. But the focus is mainly on people who create legislation in this country, and how their personal lives differ from their public rhetoric, and voting history.

I dont know where the Republican trend started, but how about Robert Bauman, a Republican US-Representative from Maryland. He was in office from 1973 - 1980. He was married with four children at the time. Mr. Bauman was a founding member of two socially conservative groups in the 70's including the American Conservative Union. He was a national chairman for both groups, and even garnered a perfect 100 rating from the Christian Voice. In October of 1980, Bauman was charged with soliciting a SIXTEEN year old male prostitute. Maybe, he should have just said he was asking for directions? He did not win re-election the following term. However, he did write a book a few years later $$$ about how he spent years secretly... um... "looking for directions." I hear he now reads maps really well.

Then there was Ed Schrock, a Republican US-Rep from Virginia who served between 2001 and 2005. He has a conservative voting record including CO-SPONSORING (are you kidding me?) the Federal Marriage Amendment which banned gay-marriage. Isn't that like finding out the guy promoting sobriety gets a DWI every year? He didn't seek re-election in 2005 after allegations of propositioning men via a gay-phone chat he was known to frequent became public.

I've got to get James Dale Guckert. This guy eats me up. Not how he might like. But... its amazing that he is not in jail, or something. His alias is Jeff Gannon. I guess he likes Oakland Raider Quarterbacks? He's the fake conservative reporter working for a fake news agency [Talon] who "somehow" (wink, wink) got access to the White House and asked all those questions that Bush loved answering. Any time a functioning retard likes your questions, he HAS to be prepared, thats all I'm saying. Mr. Guckert wrote conservative pieces criticizing Democrats like John Kerry for their liberal views on issues like gay rights. Not only is he a fake reporter, writing more mid-America social-propaganda... BUT HE'S A FORMER GAY ESCORT. Oh, the comedy gods have smiled upon thee. Oh, those were good times. Gay escort, turned... fake conservative reporter. A gay escort spoke directly with the President who wants to preserve the sanctity of marriage. (chuckles)

Jim Kolbe was a Republican US-Rep (Arizona) from 1985-2007 who started out as a Senate PAGE in 1958. Senate Page, you say? Hmmm... You dont think...? Naaaah. After 11 years in office, and voting to support the '96 Defense of Marriage Act, he was outed as a homosexual later that year. He has sinced supported civil unions.

Jim West was the Republican mayor of Spokane, Wash who earlier served as a state Congressman from 1982-2003. While in the state Congress, he voted for several anti-gay bills, including one that would have banned gays from working in schools and day cares. Because gay equals pedophile? I dont get that. For the record, most pedophiles are heterosexual men who become repeat offenders. After becoming mayor, in 2005 allegations arose of sexually abusing boys in the 70's and 80's while a Sherriff's Deputy and Boys Scout Leader. I'm sure some of you were betting Boy Scouts would sooner or later be involved. Ouch. He denied these charges, however was also accused of using his office of Mayor to lure teenage boys for sexual relationships. He did admit to using gay.com for private relationships with young men. He later died of colon cancer in 2006. I'm soooo not going there. (but you know you're thinking it!)

How about the Republican US-Rep from Florida, Mark Foley? He was in office from 1995-2006. He championed himself as a crusader against child abuse and child exploitation. That sounds like a good cause. Go, Foley! Wait... wait... come back, Foley, don't go that far! It was revealed in 2006 that Mark Foley was a little too close with some of the pages in Washington. Pages are high-school age teens that come to intern in Congress. These were former pages, so noone was under 18. He's in his 50's, and exploitation is wrong, so he waited that one extra year when it was all good and legal. Its still very creepy and borderline a few things (he crusaded against?) but was legally neither. Good for him. He was asking these teenagers for racy photos and sending very sexually explicit instant messages with them. I wonder if he planted seeds before they turned 18, before he... um... "picked that fruit."I'll never know. Why does it seem like I mentioned a page before? Hmm. Strange.

David Dreier, come on down! You're the next contestant on the Slice is Right! Dreier is a Republican US-Rep from California (1980-present). This guy has voted for anti-sodomy laws (which is code for.... um... *cough*butt sex*cough*). He's been against gay marriage, against gay-adoption, against including any gay/sexual orientation language in what is considered a hate crime, and probably is against "gay" still being a synonym for happy. The Christian Coalition has given him a rating of ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. Speaking of sodomy... isn't that word kind of archaic? I use to think that was like being beating with a broom handle or something. I guess I was half right. Are there still towns called Sodom? That is sooooooo 9th century bc. Can't they give it a new name?. Perhaps it'll have more "punch" with todays homophobes... like... being against "sanfrancisany" or "corinthomy"? "Frenchany"? or maybe just "Punch"? Just a few thoughts. But, this Dreier has been living with his Chief of Staff for years! Janice Nelson, his Dem opponent has commented that this was a "open secret" for many years.

Richard Curtis was a Republican STATE-Rep for Washington from 2005-2007. Married with two daughters. In his state, he had a conservative voting record, voting against a gay-rights bill that banned discrimination based on sexual orientation. In 2007, he voted against domestic partnerships as well. What a classy guy. He would later resign after an encounter with a former gay porn star (at least he shoots high) ... no pun intended. They would meet in a adult store and later hotel... and I dont need to tell you the rest. But an old childrens show "Romp-a-Room" comes to mind.

The foot tapper? Ah... thats not restless-leg syndrome... thats Larry Craig in a bathroom stall looking for a little bathroom affection! Another married man, Larry Craig is the Republican Senator (1991-2008) from Idaho. He had to go all the way to Minnesota for a foot massage? Hmmm... strange. He must give the bathroom attendents one heck of a tip! He was an outspoken conservative (aren't they the worst?) voice criticizing the morale ineptitude of Bill Clinton during the Lewinsky scandal with the memorable:

"The American people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy - a naughty boy. I’m going to speak out for the citizens of my state, who in the majority think that Bill Clinton is probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy.” (to funny, had to post this!)

He's also voted against gay marriage, earning from the American Conservative Union a rating of 96 out of 100. Okay, back to his restless foot syndrome. After giving "the signal" to the undercover officer (btw, undercover gay exhibitionist... what kind of job is that?!!) in the next stall, he was arrested on lewd conduct charges, but took a lesser plea that he would later try to explain as an accidental plea, but never fought it. There are previous allegation of Larry Craig being a bad boy (a nasty, bad, naughty boy, too?) by engaging in oral sex in Washington Union Station. I have problems checking for food in my teeth in public... where are these guys finding all these secret hideouts??? The crescendo was perhaps 8 more gay men in December of 2007 giving stories involving sexual encounters with the Senator, one being Mike James (Mike who???) who was the focus of a story with the ONLY non-Congressman on this list...

(Former?) Reverend Ted Haggard. C'mon. How could I leave this out? This was soo funny. This guy was giving the kinda story you would hear from a crack-head being arrested on the show Cops. Rambling... different stories... contradicting himself... stuttering... deer in headlights look on his face. CLASSIC!

Allow me to re-enact... (clears throat)

"No, I never knew a Mike Jones... I dont even like rap. Oh... you mean... the gay masseure? Never knew him either. Huh? How... er... did I know he was an escort? Did I say escort... no... there was no drugs involved... wait... hold on... give me a minute... he.. just... gave me some drugs... no, I mean... a massage... you know... its really... tense being a hypocrite... you know... I gotta collect all that money for offering... shake a lot of hands... every Sunday... they dont know where my hands have been... condemn things I try every other weekend... you know... so... um... I mean... things the devil... yeah... the devil would... try to tempt me with... had I not the power... praise Jesus...! had i not the strength he gives me... so... you know... I just needed a massage... I only bought that meth twice... no... huh? Wha... well... what i meant was... he had some on him.. and I guess he left it behind, dropped it? I never tried it, curious... sure... tried it... noooooooo... all he did was rub me... *cough* and so... I saw him a few times... but... only for... "stresssssss relief" purposes.. but... um... I never tried those drugs again... um... at all... I'm not gay... I love my wife... I've... I mean... that is... we're all human... I've committed some sexual immoralities... but I'm not gay."

Wha... wha... wait... huh... wha-wha... what?

Now, this is not intended as a anti-gay blog, but an ANTI-HYPOCRISY blog! There are many others, including Republican Congressional staffers who could have been included. Again, these are TOP TIER guys who spend their lives speaking out publicly against a certain lifestyle, gaining re-election and contributions behind that stance, blocking bills that favor that lifestyle, while secret living that lifestyle!

Who knows... perhaps it becomes sexy? Like Sade's Sweetest Taboo? One has said its so wrong so often... that finally it feels soooo so right?

"Dont eat that candy, its bad for you!"

"I know... But, Lollipops taste soooooooooooooo good...!"

So tantalizing? That which one has said you shouldn't do? Innate curiousity? C'mon... they know they like "lollipops."

Im not sure... but its definately fodder for late not comics... and that, I am most thankful for.

"First the fatboys break up... now this??? Its like... I have nothing to believe in."

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